Tag Archives: self-improvement

Happy days (NO matter what!)

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Here’s the deal.  At 19 I thought I was doing my mom a favor whenever I worked up a smile on my face.  (look ma’ I can smile!)  Later on I thought I was humoring my life-coach by being a good client and following her advice to look for the positive side of things.  (look coach, I can reframe!)  But after reading Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting and learning about the Law of Attraction, I now know that I am the one who stands to benefit the most – not my mom or my coach – from looking for ways to feel happy, no matter what. 

WHAT in the universe is the Law of Attraction?

Note: for some this might take some mind-bending.

My intention in sharing this with you is not to question any scientific theory or to support Quantum Physics.  Instead I intend to make your life (and mine) better by applying some simple logic.

According to the Law of Attraction, like attracts like.  Which means that positive attracts positive and negative attracts negative.  Yes, I know, according to my 9th grade physics teacher, and to Coulomb’s Law, it’s opposites that attract.  So that would mean that negative attracts positive and vice versa.  But open your mind (and put your physics book down) and think about the following.  Have you, when you’ve been in a positive mood, feeling great, willingly sought to be with a negative person?  For example at a party, when you’ve been having a blast, have you gone to hang-out with the party pooper in the corner?  My guess is that your answer will be a resounding NO WAY because you much rather be with your friends who are also jumping up and down feeling great just like you.  I’ll make this more relevant to your work-life.  If you look close enough at how your colleagues at work gather at lunch-time, it’s very likely that you’ll notice that all the complainers and whiners tend to sit at the same table.  I can speak for myself that when I was working within an organization in corporate Australia, I made it a point to avoid negative people as if they were a plague.

Now do you see what I mean?  Negative people definitely repel positive ones and positive ones attract positive ones.

Following that same logic, in order to attract more positive into our lives, we MUST feel positive.  Simply put, according to the Law of Attraction, we emit energy of the physical kind through how we feel.  Positive feelings, like when we’re feeling excited and happy, emit positive energy.  Negative feelings, like when we’re feeling frustrated or bummed, emit negative energy.  It follows that based on how we feel, positively or negatively, we attract either type of energy into our lives.  Got it? (read that one more time if you’re like me and need to know how things work before you jump into action)

And that’s exactly why it’s in your best interest (and mine) to feeel* positive – to attract positive things. 

I’m not suggesting that we need to be fake – and pretend to feel happy even when the going gets tough.  To begin with there’s a time to feel down.  Like when a parent passes away or when s*** happens, of the real kind. Feeling down at times means that you’re human – and that’s a great thing.  But also, pretending, according to the Law of Attraction will not do the trick simply because to emit the energy you must feel it.  On the other hand, intending to feel a certain way will in fact get you to shift your energy. Based on that, the key is to allow yourself to be in that down state for as little as you possibly can because quite simply, being down, although is part of the human condition, doesn’t solve anything.  Worse yet, it attracts more negative things.  In other words, when we remain in a negative state, emitting negative energy, we run the great risk of attracting into our lives more of what is making us feel sad, frustrated, angry. 

So the trick is to say to yourself – “fine, it’s okay for me to feel down, but how can I get out of this state ASAP?”

Inspired by my new-found knowledge and determined to attract all the good that the universe has stored for me, I’ve decided to spend the next 30 days (okay 27 cause I started on Saturday) feeeling happy NO matter what!

Because I’d LOVE for you to join me, here I share with you exactly what I’ve been doing.

How in the universe can you feeel happy NO matter what!?

Since I started trying to keep up my positive feeling, I’ve noticed that I’m really good at focusing on what I don’t want in life.  For example, while I was driving to the gym this morning, a driver turned unexpectedly into my lane and bam, I felt my anger rising.  And just like that, at the snap of a finger, my energy went from positive to negative.

So step 1 in getting rid of negative energy in my life is to shift my focus from what I DON’T want to what I DO want.  To do that, whenever I feel a negative emotion, like anger or frustration or anxiety, I simply observe myself get angry, frustrated or anxious and then when my temper tantrum is over, I ask myself: “What is it that I do want from this?”

In this all too common situation in my life, here’s my wish list:  I’d like for my driving not to be interrupted by clueless drivers!  I’d like for the world to be free of clueless drivers!  And I’d like the flow of positive energy to continue in my life, uninterrupted by clueless drivers.  So I see, I want to feel good.  Aha! There it is. That’s my clue.

If I want to feel good, then why don’t I just feel good?  Duh! (I can almost hear you saying).  Because a clueless driver just crossed my lane, right?  Fair enough.  But what if I could learn to somehow feel good regardless of what just happened?  I know, it’s so hard.  Believe me, I know.  I’m there with you all the time.  I’ve only being doing this for 3 days so I’m no pro. 

Thankfully there is a way for us all to shift feelings. Here are the set of techniques that have helped me survive the past three days. (thanks Lynn Grabhorn)

I hope that they enlighten you too:

1. Plan A:  Smile. To get me warmed up, I try, as hard as I can to make myself smile.  I can’t say that this is an easy thing to do.  Frankly, the last thing I feel like doing when I’m feeling angry or down is smiling.  Somehow my facial muscles don’t work.  But because I’m determined to feel happy no matter what for the next 28 days, I’ve been fighting gravity and hard.  And you know what?  I’ve been getting good results.  Whenever I force my cheeks to move up, I feel a minor rush of happiness.  And that gets me going on my way to shifting my energy.  I’m quite surprised by this finding because even though I’ve read research papers that show that when we smile, our body releases certain chemicals that make us feel good, I hadn’t experienced it first-hand.  Which simply tells me that I hadn’t tried hard enough.  And I must be smiling quite a bit lately because more than once my husband has asked me what I’m smiling about!

2. Plan B:  Ask myself if ANYTHING is worth risking attracting negative stuff into my life.  My second ammunition against negative feelings is to tell myself: “So what if (fill in with negative event such as: ‘that clueless driver cut across my lane’)? Is that event worth risking attracting negative stuff into my life – by allowing it to shift the energy that I’m emitting?” Of course not. 

3. Plan C:  Flip the switch.  In case plans A or B don’t work, I’ve developed a mental list of things that make me feel happy.  Lynn calls this technique ‘flipping the switch’.  To flip my switch back to positive, I refer to my mental list to remind myself of all the good things in my life.  And I have no doubt that if you look hard enough at your own life, that you’ll also find things to be happy about.  Do you have a trip coming up?  Did you recently win a bet?  Do you have cute nieces and nephews?  Did you recently get a gift from someone?  Did someone cute poke you on facebook?  I promise you that if you look close enough, you’ll find that you have plenty of things to feel good about.  To get me through my 30-day challenge, I developed a list of 30 things that make me feel a tingle, one for each day.

What do you say? Are you feeling up for feeling happy- no matter what for the next 30 days – and attracting all the positive things that the universe has stored for you?

(Stay tuned for another post where I’ll share with you the positive things that come into my life after I complete my 30-day challenge)

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*thanks Lynn Grabhorn – spelling it that way just feeels much better

For yu’ my friend: If you’d like to learn more about the Law of Attraction, I suggest that you read one or all of the following: The Law of Attraction by Esther Hicks, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne (available in DVD too), and Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting by Lynn Grabhorn.

You become what you read

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In line with an earlier post where I talk about taking responsibility for outcomes in your career and striving to give work the best version of you, I believe that one of the best (and easiest) ways to self-actualize is through reading top-shelf publications, including books and journals – both on-line and off.

Reading – of the good kind – is perhaps one of the best things that I’ve done for my career.  That is why it irks me every time that I see a girl on the train, wearing what look like excruciatingly painful high-heels* and too much make- up for day light, holding a New Idea magazine (I prefer to call it No Idea – it’s Australia’s #1 gossip mag).   To me that train ride is a missed opportunity for her to learn something of value and do something with her life.  While I believe that a little brain candy is necessary to keep sane in life, it should by no means be something that a. one spends much time on or b. any money on.  You read right. 

My personal rule of thumb for keeping sane and staying actualized is 90/10. That means that I spend most of my life time reading worthy material and only 10% reading mind-numbing stuff.  If you’d like to stick to the infamous Pareto Principle, by all means shoot for 80/20 – or risk turning into a personality-less consumerist. 

I think I can count on one hand the number of times that I’ve bought (with my own money) a beauty magazine.  (Okay, I admit that getting beauty and gossip magazines from doctors’ consulting rooms, was one of the perks of working as a medical sales representative)  However, I cannot keep track of the number of National Geographic, The Economist, Time, Business Week, Harvard Business Review, inc. and Entrepreneur that I’ve invested in. 

While I do believe that EVERY publication, whether top-shelf or not, has SOMETHING to offer, I don’t believe in looking too hard to find gold.  More so, statistics say (and don’t ask me how statisticians come up with this stuff) that you get an average of 10% from any book that you read.  So if you insist on reading crap, well, you do the math…

By far the book that has had the most positive impact on my career has been (drum roll please) The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey (http://www.stephencovey.com/7habits/7habits.php). My intention is not to give you a summary here – my intention is to get you to get off your bum and read it if you haven’t.  I read it for the first time more than 10 years ago and some of the principles that Stephen writes about continue to guide me.  Sure, his writing can sound like a sermon at times – but for those of you looking to take your career seriously, this is the Bible. 

(I know that my dear friend James Adonis – a very successful twentysomething, would agree. Check out his new venture: www.teamleaders.com.au)

3 of Stephen’s habits that remain on the top of my mind are:

1. Be proactive.  In my world, this has meant quite literally: ‘get off your bum and go get things done for yourself – cause no-one will make things happen for you’.  Maybe that’s the reason why I get up at 5:10am every day to meditate for 20 minutes, then I read for 20 minutes and then I go to the gym for an hour.  All this is to make sure that I give my work the best version of my self.  That includes a focused mind, an actualized self and an oxygenated brain & body. 

2. Begin with the end on mind.  I remember that when I finished reading that chapter, I took out a pen and paper and wrote down what I’d like my life to look like when I looked back on my 100th birthday.  Doing that exercise sure fired me up.  That was when I realized that it was up to me to make out of my life what I wanted my life to be.   It became clear to me that if I did not know where I was going, then I’d be leaving myself for the taking of those who did know.

3. Put first things first.  I’ve taken this habit to a more practical level. The time management matrix that he offers for separating the urgent from the important is probably the best model that I’ve seen for getting things done at work. Ever since the days when I was working as a pastry chef, almost 10 years ago, I’ve been following a time-management ritual.  I plan my weeks on Thursday afternoon and my days the night before.  Every Thursday I jot down everything that I’d like to get done the following week; my to-do list.  Then I go through the list and for each item I ask myself: ‘is this urgent? or is this important? or both?’  Then I mark the urgent and important with a letter A, the important with a letter B and the urgent with a letter C. Every night of the week, to get closure on my day and to get psyched up for the next day, I go through my to-do list and re-prioritize it based on what I’ve accomplished so far.  By doing this I’m making sure that I’m focusing on what’s most important in my life – not in someone else’s.

What have you done for your mind lately?

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*For the record, I believe in wearing stilettos at work. But please, if you need to walk on hard city pavement for more than two blocks, do me a favor.  Get yourself a nice-looking shoe bag so that you can keep your high-heels in your purse.  Then change to them in the elevator – feet binding is so passé ladies!

Note: I do not and will not get any remuneration from any provider if my readers – you – buy or use any of their services…I’m just sharing the wealth cause I care about you!

Does it matter if you’re a Baby Boomer, a Gen Xer or a Gen Yer?

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(Thanks Jane for your question)

When it comes to career ownership, in my book, it really does not matter if you’re 50, 40, 30 or 20. In an interconnected world, where we are all free agents we must be able to own our career and run it like a business. For that reason the advice that I give about career ownership in this blog (and in my upcoming book), has no generational boundaries. 

To not risk being dragged by someone else’s vision or risk working towards someone else’s dreams, you need to follow a set of principles and have strategies in place.  The fact is that it’s never too late or too early to be in the seat of power of your career.

To achieve that you need to:

  1. Work as an owner-employee.  In career-speak this simply means that as an employee you should work with an employer, not for them.  In my mind, continuing to see yourself as ‘someone who works for another’ (which by the way is the dictionary’s definition of employee) is a form of self-imposed slavery. In my book that makes for cog-employees.
  2. Take full responsibility for your career growth – and do something about it.  As the one responsible for the outcomes in your career, you need to be able to change behaviours that get in the way of your goals.  I’ve personally found that by applying to my work-life a combination of techniques from Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP), Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) and Positive Psychology, I have been able to improve myself on an ongoing basis.  Doing so is what guarantees that I don’t get stuck in self-sabotaging patterns.
  3. Know your key assets.  Self-assessing your personality style, your skills (and strengths), your values and interests is what enables you to know what rewards motivate you and what you offer to an employer.  Aside from this information being crucial for your sense of self-worth, it’s also very powerful when negotiating your next pay-package.
  4. Have a strategic plan.  A strategic career plan is what will enable you to make sound decisions for your career.  I personally find that planning my career in 5-year chunks gives me enough vision forward yet leaves me flexibility to change my course.  Regardless of the time-frame that you use to plan your own career, what’s most important is that you set out working with the end in mind.
  5. Have systems and processes in place that support your day-to-day work.  Quite simply, having a formula for consistently delivering high quality results is what ensures that you add value to an employer.  In exchange for great work, you have the option to command more money and more benefits.

How can you leave a job in style?

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If after you’ve weighed up your options, you feel that switching jobs is your best course of action, the next best thing you can do is leave elegantly from your current job.  Doing so is key to preserving your reputation and your relationship with your boss and colleagues.  Always remember that in the end, we’re all free agents in the world of work.  So trust me, being known as someone who always does the right thing will always play to your advantage.

These are my ground rules for leaving a job with a bit of bling:

  1. Aim to be missed. This is my mantra during the last few weeks in any job.  During those last few weeks (usually 4), my main objective becomes to leave everything in proper order.  Even if it means going above and beyond the call of duty, this becomes easy because knowing that the end is in sight usually gives me a sense of excitement which brings with it a new-found burst of energy. 
  2. Give voluntary notice.  Last time I resigned from a job I made it a point to let my boss know that I was working for 4 more weeks because I wanted to, not because I was bound by a contract to do so.  By transcending a contract, I was saying loud and clear that our relationship went beyond a work setting.  In my book, a contract will never offer a relationship what transparency and good intentions can.
  3. Always build bridges. In my mind switching jobs is simply a change of course in the big blue ocean of possibilities.  It’s not a run and hide exercise.  For that reason I believe that it’s important to preserve existing relationships, especially those you’ve spent so much time building – like with your boss and team mates.  They will always be your allies in the universe of work.
  4. Get closure.  I see the last few weeks as a great opportunity to iron things out and make things right with people I didn’t see eye-to-eye all the time.
  5. Use the spotlight to your advantage.  Don’t kid yourself. More often than not, as soon as you announce to your boss that you’re leaving, more eyes than usual will be looking at you to make sure that you don’t do anything inappropriate during your last few weeks. I say don’t resent that, instead use the extra attention to your advantage.  Make it a point to go the extra mile during the home stretch. Doing so will make a lasting impression on those making sure that you don’t pull any fast moves on your way out.

How have you left a job in style?

Are you getting an itch to switch (jobs)?

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In the past 10 years my all-time record for staying at a job is 18 months. My average stay is 14 months. And after switching jobs 12 times, I’ve learned to tell when it’s time for me to start planning my next move.

To enlighten you, here are my top 10 telling signs:

  1. I start to feel that it’s Groundhog Day at work. I’m well aware that it’s virtually impossible for every single day, let alone task at work to be new and challenging. Inevitably there are standard processes and procedures that need to be followed and cycles to be repeated.  But when I start to feel the weight of the routine, and it seems that everything has been said and done, I know it’s time to open my eyes and ears for new opportunities.
  2. I take longer in the mornings to leave the house. Whenever I feel challenged at work, each morning I head out the door looking forward to accomplishing things at the office.  But when I start extending the time that I take to get ready to go to work, usually by spending more time reading to give my brain the stimulation that it craves and is no longer getting at work, I know it’s time to actively explore other options in the market.
  3. I get annoyed by the small things.  When a client’s request that seemed minor last week – a ‘no problem at all’, all of a sudden turns into a ‘you gotta be kidding me’ request, I know I need to look for my headhunter’s contact information.
  4. I spend more time on personal emails. My cardinal rule for personal emails is to take care of them at home, before or after work. So when my friends start to hear from me during the day on a week day, I know it’s time to research other jobs and companies.
  5. I stop volunteering for projects.  Whenever I’m interested in learning something, I perceive new projects as a great opportunity to learn about my role and the industry.  When taking on more work starts to feel like a drag, I know it’s time to tap into my network of ex-colleagues and friends to look for new opportunities.
  6. I start to wonder if what I’m doing really is for me.  When I start to feel that there’s a clash between my values and my role and/or the industry I’m working in,  I know I need to update my resume.
  7. I start to wonder if my job is contributing anything meaningful to the world. When I start to feel that I’ve been put on this earth to do something more meaningful than say promote prescription drugs or sell insurance, I know I need to contact my head-hunter.
  8. I start to look at the clock at 4:30pm and wish it would be 5pm. When I no longer willingly arrive early or stay late at work, I know it’s time to set up informational interviews.
  9. I start to question what the future holds for me at a company.  When I start to feel that my role is the highest I could possible get within a company, I know it’s time to dry-clean my sharpest looking suit.  
  10.  I start to feel that staying at my current job presents an opportunity cost for my career. Just like when I’m in love, I do not think about anyone else because I’m sure that I’m with ‘the one’, whenever I’m challenged by my work, I don’t think of other jobs.  But when I start to feel that I’m missing out on bigger and better opportunities by staying at my current job, I know it’s time to start thinking about what to say to my boss so that I can go to interviews during work hours.

How can you tell that it’s time to start planning your exit strategy? I’d love to know.

(in my next post I plan to share with you how I’ve left from 12 jobs – for the exception of 1 – on very friendly terms with my boss and colleagues)

 

“to ask or not to ask”

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“To ask or not to ask” that is the question.  

It’s the one I ask myself whenever asking someone for something stands between me and what I want. 

I’ll show you what I mean.

Whether what I want is to know what perfume someone walking down the street is wearing, or to use a bathroom at a restaurant where I’m not a customer, or to get a discount on a quote from a supplier, or a better seat on the plane, or more time off from work, or even a higher salary, I’ve found that unless I ask, I will never know if I will in fact be able to get what I want.

The first time that I remember dealing with this dilemma was when I was 8 years old while going to tennis camp in Miami, Florida.  It was a stinking hot summer afternoon when John McEnroe, my tennis hero of the time, came to the country club where I was going to camp to have a hit on one of the courts.  As I write this post I can almost feel my excitement when I spotted him on a court that was a few meters from where I was standing while I waited for the afternoon practice to begin.  Very quickly, my excitement turned into an obsession to get his autograph.  To his misfortune I was quite a determined kid so I decided to stand by the side of the court to wait until he took a break from his practice so that I could ask him to sign a tennis ball.  But as I soon found out (and to my own misfortune), John McEnroe can be much more stubborn than any 8 year old could even dream of being.  And what happened next taught some very valuable lessons in asking for what I want. 

On my first attempt to get his autograph, not only did he mumble a ‘no’, he also proceeded to spit on the ground and ignore the ball and marker that I was extending in his direction.  Determined to get his signature, I stayed by the side of the court waiting for him to come back to his towel and water bottle.  As he walked towards me one more time, I decided to be more proactive and I threw the tennis ball that I wanted him to sign in his direction.   He did catch it, but instead of signing it, he looked at it and threw it on to the court, in the opposite direction of where I was standing. (so much for my tactics)  Because I still had a few more minutes before my coach would call me back to the court, I decided to wait for him to come back one more time.  This time, as he walked towards me, my heart was beating at a million beats an hour.  I looked at him in the eye and as I extended a new ball and a marker I said to him: “Mr. McEnroe would you please sign this ball for me?”  He didn’t even look at me as he grabbed the ball and the marker from my pudgy hand and mumbled: “well I guess I’ll have to.” And he proceeded to sign the ball and return it to me!!!  After I thanked him, I grabbed my signed ball back and ran back to the clubhouse to show-off my victory to the other kids.

By following what I learned from McEnroe on that hot summer day I’ve been able to get most things that I ask for.  This has included 6 weeks of leave from work – with one day’s notice, a 15% increase on a pay package, access to the busiest doctors on my territory while I was selling prescription drugs, permission to work from home, extensions on deadlines, exit rows on multiple flights even though I’m 1.60 tall and vegan meals at steak houses.

Here are my ground rules for asking and getting what I want:

  1. Know that the worse that can happen if you ask is that you’ll get rejected.  Most times that will be with a simple “no”.  And most times, hearing a “no” is small change in comparison to what you stand to win if you get a “yes”.
  2. Ask as if you’re sure that you’ll get what you want.  Before you ask, convince yourself that what you’re asking for is normal – not an outlandish request.  Play that poker face to the max.
  3. Ask the right person.  In the example above, McEnroe was the only person who could sign the ball for me.  But if he hadn’t done so on my third attempt, I could’ve approached my coach to find out if he knew McEnroe and maybe could pull some strings to get me an autograph.  In the universe of work, usually a manager or a supervisor will get you what a front line employee won’t.
  4. Ask nicely.  Even after McEnroe spit on the ground, ignored me and was plain ole’ McEnroe, I did not change my tone when asking.  I let him be the lesser person.  I just watched him throw his tantrum while I kept my eye on the ball (literally) and continued to be polite.
  5. Ask until you get it.  Getting what you want might take some persevering. Just as well, I’ve found that timing is everything. Sometimes it simply works to come back later, when the person who can give you what you want is not as busy or is in a better mood.  While working as a medical sales representative, after multiple attempts and many rejections, I found this to be true with most receptionists at doctors’ consulting rooms.  I called it the “glycemic index phenomenon”.  If I asked a receptionist for permission to see a doctor soon after they’d eaten a candy or a chocolate bar, it was likely that they were experiencing a sugar low and were in a bad mood.  Consequently regardless of how polite I asked to see the doctor, I got rejected.  I learned that the best time to ask them for something was right after they had their caffeine hit and were feeling high and energetic.  Following that logic, I proceeded to buy coffees for moody receptionists who insisted on denying me access to doctors (i.e. my potential customers).  To some this would come across as bribery, but in actual fact I was trying to regulate their body chemistry!       

3 life-changing questions

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After many years of being controlled by my emotions and being reactive to situations and people, I’m slowly starting to see the light and learn ways of being more rational and responsive.  For the past few years, because I’ve made it a point to be more in tune with myself, I’m much better at handling my emotions and not allowing them to blindly rule my life.

Because I believe in sharing the wealth, below are the three questions that I most frequently ask myself whenever I start to feel that an emotion is bursting to express itself.  By having these 3 questions top of mind, when I start to feel an emotional outburst bubbling, I’m able to give myself time to think before reacting emotionally.  I’m not claiming to be reflective and rational 100% of the time. But the times that I’ve been able to think of more rational responses to situations I’m facing, I’ve found that my responses have been much more productive and constructive than the emotional reactions that I managed to stop from surfacing.

Life-changing question #1: “What am I not doing for myself that I’m expecting others to do for me?” (thanks Susan Jeffers, PhD, best-selling author of the book Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway) 

I ask myself this question whenever I feel that I’m getting angry at someone. Just after a few days of being mindful of my anger, I started to notice that I usually get angry at someone because of something that I’m not doing for myself, not because of something that someone else hasn’t done for me or has done to me.  Think about that next time that you feel like biting a colleague’s head off.  Is it really their fault that you feel that way?  Or is your feeling of anger your responsibility? What aren’t you doing for yourself? I’d love to know.

Life-changing question #2: “What am I telling myself?” (thanks Fiona Harrold, the queen bee of life coaching in the UK) 

I use this question whenever I’m feeling afraid or de-motivated to do something. I’ve found that it helps me stretch myself whenever I’m about to do something that’s outside of my comfort zone.  As soon as I put my neurotic, Woody Allen-sounding little voice on trial, I start to feel more energized and some times even ready to take on the world.  See for yourself. Tune into the little voice inside your head whenever you feel deflated or afraid to do something, like cold calling* prospects or giving a presentation at a meeting. What are you telling yourself about your abilities, the potential outcomes, the situation itself, and what others think of you? Try it and let me know. 

Life-changing question #3: “What’s the worse that can happen?”

This question helps me put things in perspective when I’ve a decision to make.  It’s a question I ask myself constantly throughout day as I navigate through the many decisions that I need to make. Because of it, I’ve become a much more decisive person.  The main idea behind it is to get me to see whether or not I can handle things if things go wrong because of a decision I’ve made.  This is how a typical daily chatter inside my head goes: Should I wear the white shirt or the green one?  (What’s the worse that can happen if I choose either one?) Should I park in this spot or the other one? (What’s the worse that can happen if I choose either one?)  Should I use this supplier or the other one? (What’s the worse that can happen if I use either one?) Should I call this client or wait until the afternoon? (What’s the worse that can happen if I call at either time?)

Take a moment to this about this.  Is anything the end of the world?  I truly believe that if you think hard enough, you’ll realize that you can handle most things – maybe even the end of the world.  What do you think?

*cold calling: making unsolicited sales calls to qualified prospects.

T.L.C. for Your Most Valued Organ (MVO)

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What part of the body would Olympic-class sprinters have insured? Their legs.

It was while thinking of an answer to this question that it hit me that just as an athlete has a body part that is critical for top performance, the same goes for those of us in the working game.

So what is your ’MVO’ at work?

Before you get too creative, I’ll throw you a lifeline – it is your brain.

The fact is that the 3 pounds of greyish-white matter that sits inside your skull controls the functions that can determine how successful you are at work.

How you perform at work depends on several factors:

  • How well you can think on your feet and remember things;
  • How focused and clear you are;
  • How calm and rational your responses are in challenging situations; and
  • How well you’re able to:
    • prioritise activities
    • manage tasks and goals
    • learn new information and acquire new skills

Since your brain controls how well you carry out all of the above, it’s to your advantage to know what optimises these functions and what doesn’t.

But first, here’s some food for thought:

“In proportion to our body mass, our brain is three times as large as that of our nearest relatives. This huge organ is dangerous and painful to give birth to, expensive to build and, in a resting human, uses about 20 per cent of the body’s energy even though it is just 2 per cent of the body’s weight. There must be some reason for all this evolutionary expense.” Susan Blakemore

Because I suspect that most people aren’t doing as much to take care of their brain as they could, particularly at work, here are some brain-friendly tips for you to optimize your memory, your focus and your overall performance at work – and outside. 

For those of you who are wondering where all this data comes from, research spiked in the 90s when US President George Bush declared it the “decade of the brain”.  Consequently billions of dollars were invested into developing scanning technology that allowed scientists to look into the brain and get more detail than ever before about this complex organ. Simply put, brain-researchers went crazy with all the funding and produced all kinds of useful brain-related research.

For you at work, here are some of the most relevant findings:

To optimize your memory:

The main thing that you need in order to achieve good memory is to increase the brain’s production of a chemical called serotonin. In other words, mind your chemicals.

Here’s how it works. (Thanks Dr.Giuffre)

Serotonin is responsible for making you ‘feel good’.  Because of the connection between the memory centre – your hippocampus – and the emotions centre – your amygdala – when you feel good, memories tend to stick more.  So it follows, that if you want to improve your memory, it will help to increase your serotonin levels. 

Here’s how:

Tip #1: Think positive thoughts

The best food that you can give your brain is positive thoughts because a happy brain remembers more. By the same token, avoiding negative thoughts helps maintain higher serotonin levels.  For that reason, I’ve been saying affirmations on a daily basis for the past year.  I can guarantee that after a month, I started to experience results. Not only did my memory improve, I started to feel much more alert, calm and focused – the perfect combination for performing optimally at work! 

In case that you need some inspiration, Dr. Susan Jeffers (www.susanjeffers.com), author of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, and Louise Hay (www.louisehay.com), author of You Can Heal Your Life, are my favorite sources and the Mothers of affirmations.

Tip #2: Eat well

Aside from positive thoughts, your brain needs healthy food! Eating in a balanced fashion increases serotonin levels in your body.  Eating too many sweets has a negative long term impact on memory (sorry sweet tooths abd carbo-loaders). As sugar levels peak in your brain, you initially feel good, which can help improve your memory for a short burst. But that comes at what I feel is too high a price to pay for memory. When sugar levels peak too quickly, insulin levels also spike in order to restore the balance in your body. When this happens, you feel down, deflated and lethargic. This effect is what my sister-in-law very cleverly has coined as a ‘food coma’.

The fact is that eating a well balanced diet optimises your memory.  If you put junk into your brain, you are likely to get junk out of it!

Research says that the diet that contributes to strong memory function is a balance between protein and carbohydrates and lots and lots of fresh fruits and vegetables. Take it from a vegan who lives mostly on raw foods. (More on that in a future post)

Tip #3: Manage stress  

Research has shown that prolonged exposure to stress shrinks the hippocampus – which is the memory centre. But don’t stress about this, because when you stop stressing, the hippocampus returns to its normal state.

Relax…take a deep breath.

Tip #4: Sleep

According to Dr. Kenneth Giuffre sleeping 8 hours every night has shown to improve work performance by 30% because that’s the time when serotonin gets replenished in your body.  No wonder I feel so out of it when I haven’t slept.

Maybe it’s time for you to re-think your priorities when you’re planing a night on the town on a ‘school night’ or to stay up late watching a sitcom.  Do you really think that Tiger Woods or your favourite celebrity stays up late when they need to perform at their peak the next day? ‘don’t think so..

Tip #5: Exercise

Not only do you get instant gratification from the endorphin rush (endorphins are opiate-like chemicals similar to morphine), but you also get serotonin and oxygen to flow through your system.  As the organ that requires the most blood flow and oxygen per weight exercise gets your brain ready to thrive.

Tip #6: Laugh

Scans of people’s brains while they’re laughing have shown that the amygdala – the emotions region of the brain – is activated.  When that happens, because of the relationship between the brain’s memory centre and the amygdala, memories tend to stick more.  Also, because when we laugh we feel good, we experience a spike in serotonin production, which also results in better retention.

Tip #7: Listen to music

There’s no trustworthy clinical evidence that music does anything for babies in-vitro, but baby books constantly harp on the benefits of music in fetal development  Regardless, there is no arguing that  music can make you feel good!  By now you should know that when you feel good, you can remember more.

To be focused:

You feel focused when blood is flowing to a particular brain region, in other words, when the flow of blood is contained.  Think back when you were hanging upside down from a monkey bar, with blood rushing to your brain. How focused did you feel then?

Here’s what you can do on a daily basis to contain the blood flowing through your brain – and not feel like you’re hanging upside down:

Tip #1: Mind the caffeine

Because caffeine constricts the vessels in your brain and body in general, it does in fact help direct blood flow to specific areas in your brain.  That’s why you feel focused and alert after your shot of espresso in the morning.

But be careful not to mess up your sleep cycle because if you do, that would defeat the purpose of having caffeine in the first place!

Tip #2: Meditate

This is my favourite tip, because the benefits of meditation are clear.  At the University of Pennsylvania  researchers recently showed that meditation for just 30 minutes a day for 8 weeks improves clarity and focus. 

In a later post I’ll share with you some tips about how to meditate.  For now, if you’d like to give it a shot, I suggest that you look online or check into your local community college or Buddhist temple for guidance and information. I personally follow a Zen method which I found online at www.mro.org/zmm/teachings/meditation.php  I found it easy to follow because it has pictures (as a visual learner, I love pictures).

Tip #3: Eat in moderation

According to Dr. Giuffre, our brains are most alert in a state of starvation. Of course I’m not advocating or even suggesting that you starve, because while you’d be more focused, it would come at the cost of jeopardising other bodily functions.

What I am saying is that if you are taking your performance at work seriously, you’ll be in better shape if you eat a light meal when you have a meeting during or after lunch, or if you simply want to feel good to be able to give your best.

Keep this in mind: a properly fed mind is a sharp one, an overfed one is a sluggish one.

Tip #4: Stay calm

When we’re calm, we’re less emotional and more rational. The fact is that the region of the brain that produces emotions, the amygdala, is one the most primeval ones.  What this means is that emotions are primitive and most often there is a more appropriate response to a situation than say, getting angry or throwing a tantrum.

Like my husband likes to stay when he feels himself getting angry at another driver on the road – “I’m too evolved to honk.”  Instead he blinks his lights or does something more appropriate.

To perform well:

Tip #1: Learn something new

With brain function you either use it or you lose it.  And by far, the best way to exercise your brain is to learn something new. Learning physically creates pathways in your brain. In the real sense, when you learn, you’re giving your brain a work-out.

Tip #2: Laugh – be here and now.  Live in the moment

Aside from boosting your memory, laughter makes you focus in the here and now.  And being present improves your performance. Pay attention to how athletes enter in ‘the zone’ when they’re going for gold.  They are no where else but on that field.  (By the way, they train themselves to do that – and so can you. Meditation is a great starting point.)

Tip #3: Keep your brain booted (so you don’t waste time rebooting it)

Your brain works much like your computer – at least when it comes to being on and off.  This means that to give your brain a break after you’ve completed a major task, you’re better off switching to a simpler task than getting up for junk food and a coffee.  By switching, you’re putting your brain on sleep mode.  But when you get up, you’re actually shutting your brain down. That’s why when you get back to other tasks, instead of feeling that you’ve taken a break, you feel that you have to wait until your brain boots back up.

No, I’m not trying to turn you into a feeling-less, desk bound robot, but am advising you to not unnecessarily interrupt your brain flow! 

So what have you done for your brain lately?  I’d love to know.

The games play on! (part 3 of 3)

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World-class soft skill # 3:  Taking self-responsibility

Taking self-responsibility and acknowledging that it’s up to you and no-one else to make things happen does not guarantee that you’ll succeed in the world of work (mainly because nothing does), but it will certainly put you on the right track.

Think about this next time that you watch an Olympic event on TV. 

The athletes you are seeing compete were not the ones who were sitting by the side-lines waiting for someone to give them the skills and strength that they needed to make it to the Olympics.  Each and every athlete who made it to Beijing 2008 is there because day after day they worked very hard to earn their place.  Admittedly natural talent and genetics has a place at the Olympics (not every swimmer has size 14 feet like Phelps) but for the most part you’re looking at the individuals who recognize that it’s up to them – and no-one else – to train hard, stay focused, and persevere.

Granted the world of work is not as cut-throat (or as sweaty) as an Olympic event but when it comes to delivering results and making things happen, taking self-responsibility is one of the most powerful things that you can do.

Here are some clues:

  1. Do not play the blame game.  Have you ever worked with someone who plays ‘hot potato’ to deflect responsibility for their well-being?  I have. And it’s rather amusing (and sad at the same time) to see them in action coming up with all kinds of excuses to explain why their lives suck. They blame their parents, their friends who take them out drinking during the week, their education (or lack of), the economy and on and on.  What do these people think is the worse that can happen if they simply own up to their situation and start taking the steps they need to change things around? Just consider what Dara Torres did to get herself back in shape at 41 and be faster than when she was 21 swimming in the 88 Olympic games.
  2. Take control. When it’s up to others to make things happen for you – and they don’t – it’s very likely that you’ll end up feeling frustrated.    Even if at first things don’t work out for you when you’re in the driver’s seat, think about how awesome you’ll feel when you make it because of your own efforts. Just take a close look at Michael Phelps’ face next time that he wins a gold medal.
  3. Take full responsibility for your performance.  We all have good and bad days.  Just think about the US gymnastics team leader Alicia Sacramone’s two ‘atypical’ falls that cost the team the gold medal.  But in reality, what’s the worse that can happen if you face the music and admit that you’ve made a mistake? The mishap already happened and the likelihood is that in reality others will forgive you (and may even forget about it).  The honorable thing to do is to admit that you’ve blown it, just as Alicia did on national television.  In my book it’s not necessary to ask for forgiveness or to dwell on your mistake. It’s much more important to contain the impact of your mistake and to learn from it so that you don’t repeat it.

Feeling inspired? I am. I think I’m ready to write another post!

The games have begun! (part 2 of 3)

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World-class soft-skill # 2:  Visualizing

In my mind visualizing is one of the most under-rated and under-used skills.

Next time that you’re watching athletes compete at the Olympics, take a close look at your TV screen.  The fact is that most of the athletes that you’ll watch compete have already seen, felt, tasted, smelled and heard in their mind’s eye, their routine and what it would be like to compete at the Beijing Olympics. 

In fact, since the 1980s sports psychologists have been using visualization as an add-on to athletes’ training programs. 

Visualization helps athletes in two major ways: 

* It helps them get better at what they do and

* It helps them get closer to their goals

Logic tells me that if it helps athletes, who like you and I are made of skin and bones, it can also help us both become better at what we do and achieve more.  Experience tells me that it does.

Here’s how visualization works.

Improves your performance

Visualizing a routine makes you better at it because the brain perceives no difference between imagining an action and doing it in real life.  Both activities, imaging and doing, create neural pathways in your brain. Because this is how the brain processes information, you become better at doing things. For example, when a gymnast practices a routine on the parallel bars, she becomes better at it because she’s actually strengthening neural pathways in her brain.  So it follows, when you practice in your mind a presentation, your brain registers it as one more practice and neural pathways are strengthened.

Because you can imagine more things than when you’re actually rehearsing, in your mind you can add as many elements of reality as you like.  For example, you can visualize how you’ll respond if you forget a line during your speech.  How will you feel? What will you do?  By preparing beforehand for uncomfortable mishaps, you’re likely to feel more comfortable during the actual performance – and when you do, it’s likely that you’ll perform better.

When I was working in sales, I used to visualize my presentations during the car-ride on my way to clients.  This really helped me feel psyched and get focused, as opposed to feel nervous and dread the meeting.

Gets you closer to your goals

When you visualize your goals, you’re creating a conflict in your brain between where you’re at and where you want to go.  When this happens, your brain goes on a mission to bridge the gap between your current reality and your imagined one, and jumps into action. When that happens:

1. You become more aware of what you need in order to achieve your goals.

2. You become more creative.  After visualizing my goals I often find that ideas come to my mind more easily and frequently (that’s why I carry a pen and paper 24/7). I also find that I’m able to find solutions to problems faster.

3. You stay active and motivated because you’re brain now has a mission to solve something. 

Visualizing is easy (and can feel trippy)

Quite simply visualizing is about creating a movie in your mind’s eye. Whether the movie is about an upcoming performance such as a presentation or a phone call to a difficult client, or about your major goals, the technique is the same.

Here’s how:

1. Pick a quiet spot and sit in a comfortable position.

2. Take 10 deep breaths or until you feel that your mind and body are relaxed.

3. Start to picture the event or your goals.

4. Now make it a blockbuster movie by making it as real-feeling as possible. Put yourself in the picture in 3-D.  Add colors, smells, feelings and even flavors.  

5. Picture your best performance or that you already achieved your goals.  Don’t waste time dwelling on your work in progress.  This is your movie and you’re the super-hero. It’s done, you’re there at your peak.

6. Think about who else is in your movie.  Who’s watching you? The whole world?

7. Think about how you feel about how other’s respond to you. Do you feel butterflies of excitement in your belly?

8. Slowly open your eyes and feel like a winner.

If you’re new at this, I suggest that you don’t do this exercise for longer than 10 minutes at a time.  That way it’s less likely that you’ll get frustrated and more likely that you’ll continue to do it.