I confess.  In most areas of my life I’m a loner.

Sports have been a major part of my life ever since I can remember.   And for the most part I’ve gravitated towards individual activities.  Singles tennis, running, skateboarding, biking, swimming.  All of which involve very minimal interaction with other people – if any at all.  Don’t get me wrong, I can handle having another person next to me on a court or a field, but more than that and it becomes a threat to my existence (kinda’ like what Warhol said about his nudity).

Even though I was nominated ‘best all around’ during my senior year in high-school (I can’t believe I’m sharing this with you) in college I was labelled a GDI (and proud). 

At work I tend to eat lunch alone at my desk.  I’m known for saying ‘no thanks’ to invitations – more so if they involve going out with a group.  It could be because I am a bit of a workaholic that I stay back working, but mostly it’s because I love to sit and enjoy the silence.  That’s how I gather my thoughts and psych myself up for the afternoon.

So how on earth does a loner like me end up making a good living in business development and getting several awards in the process?  When it’s a job that requires that I mingle with people?

Here are my secrets to networking and getting what I want from people:

1. Be genuine:  It is much more likely that people who care about you are those who will help you.  The best way I know how to get people to care about me is for me to care about them.  It really is that simple.  At work functions I apply the 80/20 rule and I only spend time with people I find interesting.  I know that if I bond with one or two people, chances are I’ll be able to get more out of our relationship than if I tap 20 people and move on.  And I’ll enjoy myself along the way because I’ll be dealing with people I genuinely like and who I feel I can be myself around.

2. Don’t wait until you need someone to approach them:  I don’t like being used.  That’s how I know that other people don’t like it either.  To avoid getting to a point where I only contact people when I need them, I stay loosely connected – because I care to know how they are (remember, we bonded at some point).  It’s just like practicing preventive medicine vs the curative kind.  If I approach someone when I need them, it’s too late.  They will sense that I’m using them.  And although they may play along and get me what I want in the short-term, chances are that I’ve lost a relationship.

3. First give:  I love to receive things from people – and it doesn’t have to be big for my energy levels to spike.  A sincere compliment has a similar effect on me as a bunch of flowers – both trigger my serotonin response.  And when someone gives me something – as small as a compliment – I feel good about being nice back to them.  That’s why I know others also feel good about reciprocating after I’ve given them something.  Making deposits in people’s emotional bank accounts has proven to be a good investment.  If you’re thinking that it’s too Machiavellian to go around complimenting people left and right, re-read my secret number one.

4.  Ask, ask, ask:  I admire people who persevere.  And I will go out of my way for people who believe so much in what they’re doing that they’re willing to do anything to see their cause through.  When someone I barely know asks me for something, I find it gutsy, not annoying.  More so, I feel honored that someone with such great qualities considers that I can help them.  That’s why I believe that anyone worth asking will not mind my own asking.

How have you loners out there made it in this network-crazed world?  I’d love to know…